I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
