Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
