He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
