we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
