Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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