just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
