yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
