dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
