My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
