I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want to have your abortion
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
