you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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