the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
