peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
