the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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