We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
