Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
