when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
