Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
