Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
