his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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