Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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