smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
