i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
