like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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