It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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