Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
