Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
