I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
