At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
