no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
