remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
