At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
