Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
