In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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