well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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