3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ttyl tear gas
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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