dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
