i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
