At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
