Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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