OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
