and next time when you feel me up, do it right
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
