i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
