woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize