can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What a dumb baby whore.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
