I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
