i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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