Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
