My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
