I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
